"I Want Them Back" by Dyanna Gonzalez Rojas

Never thought I would miss them, never thought it would hurt so much

Imagining and expecting those moments since he was little

Never thought I would miss them, the

chance to take the pictures

Those pictures I would hang on the wall for the rest of my life.

Of him on his Prom Night looking sharp in his tuxedo

People say there are more important things in life

I guess they might be right,

Still… It seems I cannot block these feelings, this hole that carries as an echo,

This sensation as if I lost something special and I would never get it back.

People say there are more important things

I guess they are right…

But how can I get that moment back, of my boy walking through the stage

Of him getting embarrassed by me and still hug me in front of his friends

He was never embarrassed to say “I love you mom”

Never once, no matter who would be around

How can I get that back, that awkward smile I know he would had.

This feeling, the sorrow that I missed those moments,

how can I get them back?

I cannot get them back because they never happened

the certainty that I would never be able

to see him doing those things,

Is something that I would carry with me for the rest of my life

like those not existing pictures that I never took

now my boy is gone in a place where I cannot go

it will be a long time until I see him again

a long time until I can hug him again

feeling his chin on my head calling me “shorty”

A long time for me to touch his face and make sure he is ok

a long time for him to say again “I love you mom”

and be able to holding him tight

finally feeling whole again

People say there are more important things

I know they are right

But I want those moments with my boy back.